Today is April 29th and a majority of the family has left. It is the first day that I have had to myself to try to figure this all out. Believe it or not, JD is out running errands.
Tomorrow will have been three weeks when we first had the doctor say to us in the ER of Walter Reed Hospital " I am going to tell you you have a brain tumor and that is all you are going to hear from this point forward" He was not joking.
It is amazing how your life can be turned up side down in a blink of an eye. It was after hearing that we felt that we had been hit by a truck. Now, here comes the difference between JD and I. I am still feeling like I have been hit by that truck. JD on the other hand has picked himself off and started on his journey.
Me---I am still stuck at the ER wondering what is going on. Did you ever see that movie "Up" the cartoon with the old man and he lost his wife? In a part of that movie he encounters a talking dog...but the dog gets distracted every time he sees a "Squirrel". I feel like the dog. Which way do I look and what am I suppose to do next.
JD has never been a morning person and every day since he has been home he wakes up at 5:30 to start his day. It used to be me that woke up the household to start the day. JD would lay in bed and say give me 5 more minutes. Now, I can not bring myself to get up.
The Caraway's had a plan for our life. JD would retire, JD would work in the civilian world, the kids would graduate from high school and go to college, JD and I would move to Texas and start our business.
That plan has changed in the fact that JD now has a calling to be a spokesperson for brain tumors. He has reached out to a few organizations and has done a TV interview. I am very proud of his attitude and his desire for this new found goal, but I am still at the ER room of Walter Reed.
It sounds that I am feeling sorry for myself, but I do not feel sorry, I just feel lost. Everything that I thought would happen in our lives will be different and I just do not know how to adjust or do not know what to do.
Can someone come get me from the ER room at Walter Reed?
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Gunny's Wife,
ReplyDeleteI'm no sage. Yet I hope this friendly kick in the butt helps..
There's a saying in the movie 'Kung Fu Panda'-
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That's why it's call the present."
I guess what I'm getting at is this: Don't let dwelling on the 'IFs' detract you. Otherwise those 'IFs' turn in to the regrets of 'I wish'. I'm sure you've heard all this before.
Funny telling you this, since this is something I just discovered for myself through my wife.
The interview:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.letstalklive.tv/
or
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0nbSvXj31c
Joe well said my friend....Thanks for the continued support..
ReplyDeleteThe best advise I can offer is to continue to pray for the Lord to provide you peace , comfort and direction. All too often when life's challenges begin to get the best of us...we shy away from God. It is during these times that we all should draw nearer to the Lord, which is God's desire. I understand how you feel....I felt the same way when I went through my battle with Cancer in 2003.....Keep praying and trust in the Lord! My dad constantly reminded me that "I wasn't IN an storm...but going THROUGH one." Mac
ReplyDeleteHey Gunny's Wife,
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine what you are going through and I wish I had an answer for you. You have been so amazingly brave and this is the way you are going to deal with it. Everyone deals with a tragic differently and I pray that in time, you will find your way out of the ER room. Please know you have lots of people praying for you and your family. In addition, you have a ton of friends that you can call on for support. Please don't try to deal with this by yourself! We love you and hope things get easier for you!